


The New Hole

by thefilthiestpiglet



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: HYDRA Trash Party, M/M, Non-Consensual Body Modification, background castration, bucky gets a vagina, complicated pregnancy feelings, i don't know how i got here but it's mpreg, not a lot of nice things to say about unexpected fetuses, super smell is a curse, voice control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 09:53:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8157959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefilthiestpiglet/pseuds/thefilthiestpiglet
Summary: He'd long stopped questioning why HYDRA would do things to his body, so when he gets recaptured and wakes up with a new hole in his taint and surgical scars all over his belly and ass .... well, it's just HYDRA doing whatever they wanted with their favorite guinea pig.----Or: Bucky is so fucking done with HYDRA douchebags, and why is he vomiting and peeing all the time?(some embedded images, as usual)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a fill for this [prompt](https://hydratrashmeme.dreamwidth.org/2271.html?thread=4740063#cmt4740063), but then became something else within the first 2 paragraphs, so it's an orphaned fill ([found here](https://hydratrashmeme.dreamwidth.org/2271.html?thread=4750047#cmt4750047)). :)
> 
> Also: I've never read any mpreg before, so -- I don't know what the tropes are. So this is more just about pregnancy and body autonomy. ^^;; Oops?

He'd long stopped questioning why HYDRA would do things to his body, so when he gets recaptured and wakes up with a new hole in his taint and surgical scars all over his belly and ass .... well, it's just HYDRA doing whatever they wanted with their favorite guinea pig. Not that much different from that time in the 60s when they tried fitting him with a matching right arm. (Didn't work -- good thing they still had his old arm to sew back on.) 

On the scale of 1 being the time when they took out all his teeth, found out that dealing with the drool was a big hassle, and then stuffed all of them back in; and 10 being when they inserted some weird throat control device that allows them to control his breathing and larynx at will ... getting an extra hole is probably a 5 or 6.

He supposes he should be upset that they'd cut off his balls to make room, but really -- it didn't matter. It's never mattered to them, so he can't let it matter to him. It's okay. He can still get hard, so Steve will understand. He'll have a new hole to try, anyway.

Well, new as in recent addition, not new as in "never used." 

In fact, they seem to exclusively use the new hole now. All day, every day. When one team of 5 are done, they just get replaced by another team. Where HYDRA finds so many freaks and sadists, Bucky'll never know. Is there a Craig's List for evil henchmen? In between sessions the scientists poke and prod his new hole and pump him full of nutrient slushies and drug cocktails. Maybe that's why everything feels a little blurry on the edges. Or it might be the constant searing pain from his new hole.

At least being on his knees being fucked by sadistic rent-a-bastards day in and day out means he's not being sent out to kill people. Or worse: wiped and sent after Steve. 

Wish they decided to give him stronger kneepads to deal with all this fucking, but HYDRA is not known for thoughtfulness. All he can do is bide his time, look for an escape, and try not to give them too many ideas in the mean time. HYDRA seems pretty intent on using him as a fucktoy this time, and well, Bucky'd like to stop at one new fuck hole, all things considered.

  


\-------

These guys like to hear him cry and beg so he does. If he were back with Steve he'd probably die of humiliation, but right now, a month in, he's just glad that they've activated the voice controls in his throat. The scientists that nabbed him had turned it off first thing, and it's only a few days ago that the guys fucking him started showing up with a controller in each pocket. Rewards, probably, for doing such a good job fucking him. No one ever thinks to give him a reward, figures.

"Come on, sow, you're a good breeder. Oink for us." Says a guy who smells like french fries.

He makes dumb oinking noises and rolls his eyes internally. These guys really need to be more creative. 

Another man starts stroking his back and scratching behind his ears and croons. "There's a good piggy. You're gonna give us good little super soldier piglets. Come on, beg for my sperm."

Okay, getting a little *too* creative with the weird pregnancy kink but whatever. At least he smells like mints. "Yes I want your big strong cock. Please fuck me and get me pregnant with your babies." It feels good to be able to talk again. All that time with Steve and the Avengers had made him take it for granted. 

Mint guy smiles and then stifles a groan as he starts fucking him. "Oh god your new pussy is so tight. You're even better than regular girls." 

He barely gets out, "Yes sir, please sir I want your cum in my slutty pussy," before a wave of nausea overcomes him. One of the new drugs that they've been injecting must have done something to his nose because he can smell EVERYTHING. He can smell the sweat and dried cum emanating from himself. Someone on the other side of the two-way mirror is eating a bacon cheeseburger. The guy busy stuffing himself into his mouth had onions for breakfast and then tried to cover it with a deodorant with a pungent floral scent. He also hadn't washed his cock in at least four days. 

He pushes down the retching instinct as best as he can. If he vomits all over this guy's dick, they're going to shut off his throat right then and there. And if they accidentally flip it too far in the panic and disgust .... well, all things considered, Bucky'd like to keep breathing.

So he does his best to keep these guys' trigger-happy fingers away from the damn controllers. (At least when Pierce was running things, the egomaniac kept controller access to himself. Unlike this clusterfuck happening now. Heh. Clusterfuck.) When the guy in his mouth gets close, he pulls out and comes in his new hole instead. Bucky is thankful -- at least back there, the smell isn't as overwhelming.

As another guy takes his turn, Bucky tries to think: He can hold his breath for two minutes. If, in that time, he can figure out a way to disrupt the signal en masse... He keeps his eyes the little blue controller lights as he works his mouth around a guy who smells of gorgonzola and over-ripe tomatoes.


	2. Escape

  


It takes him a week after figuring it out before he makes his move. The timing has to be perfect -- he knows he's only going to get one shot at this. If he fails ... well, they've been using him as a fuck toy for over a month now, with no signs of wanting to put him out for field work, so he'll probably wake up from asphixiation with short a few limbs and with a few more fuck holes. And that rates an 18 on the 1-10 scale. (Lobotomy is 20.)

There is a moment, when one person hits the controller, when all the little blue lights on the other controllers blink. There's some sort of mechanism that stops the other controllers from giving conflicting signals to his throat control. So if he can lock the receiver in that microsecond, he might be able to lock out all further signals. 

Which is why he's been blinking in time with the little blue lights all week. Today, he waits until the last guy (Fried Chicken) has come in his new hole. Says "Thank you, sir" all high and throaty as the guy likes. And watches carefully from his bowed head as Fried Chicken fumbles with his controller to hit the voice off switch.

Blink.

And in that second, he's moving, the controller crunched in his left hand and the guy's trachea crunched in his right. Everyone else is screaming. Someone pulls out a gun, so he breaks that guy's arm, and uses the gun to shoot Bacon Cheeseburger who's frantically jabbing his controller button at him. This is too easy with all the controllers decommissioned. Then it's two more shots and he's done with the guys in the room. There's yelling outside and more people coming, but there's two more guns on the floor and Bucky is ready.

It only takes another 15 minutes before he's walked through the entire base and dispatched everyone.

He's done. He can be a person again. Fuck the people he wants to fuck. Go back to the Avengers Tower and give Steve a big kiss and ... oh god has the smell of blood always been this nauseating?

Bucky takes shallow breaths as he scavenges some clothes from the least-smelly HYDRA corpse nearby. (Mint guy, again.) And then he's out the door of the base.... and runs head-first into a corn stalk.

Shit. HYDRA put this research facility in the middle of a mother-fucking corn field and he has no idea which direction to go, how long until civilization. He looks back at the door surrounded by corn stalks. They'll have the info in there. Probably relevant files, as well. He grimaces. The smell, though.

Well, he should do his due diligence. Liberate some lab data. (And maybe delete some, too.)

He throws up a bit at the doorstep when the first wave of bloodstench hits him, but after that he feels well enough to find the nearest computer console. He gets the location data and dumps the rest onto a flash drive that he finds in a dead scientist's pocket. He also pockets her cell phone.

And then he's out, for real. He uses the cell phone to pick out the right direction and start wading through the stalks of corn.

Only to run straight into Steve Rogers, coming the other way. 

"Bucky?" Steve crouches down into a defensive stance, shield up.

What the fuck, Steve. I fight my way out of a creepy HYDRA lab and now you want to fight me? Bucky walks up and plants a big kiss on Steve's forehead. Idiot never remembers to cover the important parts of him with the damn shield. 

"Bucky!" Steve's face lights up and sweeps him up into a fierce hug. That's more like it. Then Steve pulls back and gives him a good look over. "I thought I'd have to fight you again." There's bags under his eyes and worry wrinkles on his forehead. This last month must have been pretty rough for Steve.

Bucky shrugs and smiles. Opens his mouth to say "I dunno, man. This time the freaks decided not to fry my brain for some reason." Except nothing came out.

Fuck.

He points at his throat, then shakes his hand.

"Buck, they... cut out your vocal cords?" Steve narrows his eyes and gently reaches for his throat. "But I don't see a scar."

Eyeroll, shake head. Finger up to indicate "hold on a minute." Bucky takes out the phone and types [ _Hi Steve, I'm ok. :) Stark should be able to fix this._ ] He doesn't add "glad to be back" and "happy to see you," figuring that Steve already knows.

He hands the phone back and Steve's face relaxes as he reads the message. He looks up and smiles at Bucky and dammit, Bucky'd do anything for that smile. "All right, let's go find Tony."


	3. Later

Turns out Tony can't fix the problem. Well, at least not right away. "Congrats, Barnes, you did such a good job jamming the signal receiver that I can't even hack into it to change the settings. I should bake you a cake or something. Stop glaring at me like that. You're gonna have to wait for Cho to fly over from Korea to get it out once and for all."

Bucky grits his teeth. This is dumb. He wants to get back to watching movies with with Clint and Natasha and laughing at how ridiculous Bond is. He wants to get back to whispering dumb shit to Steve as they fall asleep. He wants to get back to working for Hill but he can't do that when he can't talk into an earpiece. He was supposed to be DONE, dammit.

Instead he's sitting in his dark room, trying to get JARVIS to set up some sort of mobile text command system for him. Which is where Steve finds him.

"Why don't you have the light on, Bucky? Are you okay?"

The room doesn't have a physical light switch, and JARVIS is voice-activated. Why doesn't Steve use his brain for once?

Bucky takes a deep breath and sets aside his laptop. What was with that random burst of anger? This isn't Steve's fault. It's not anyone's fault, except probably-definitely HYDRA sickos.

Stand up, turn around, wave, smile, thumbs up.

"Oh, good. Mind if I turn on the light, then? We need to talk."

Oh. Thumbs up for turning on the light, at least.

"JARVIS, lights?"

Hmm. Steve's still wearing the same shirt from the corn field. They've been back for half a day. Not good. Steve sits down on the bed, so Bucky sits down next to him and opens a blank file on his laptop and sets the font size to 16. Considers picking Comic Sans, but Steve would probably kill him.

[ _Okay go. Whaddaya gotta say?_ ]

"Bucky... this gadget in your throat isn't new. You heal fast but there'd still be a faint line at this stage. Plus Tony said that computer chip in the scans is 'older than Google'."

[ _Yeah, so?_ ] Of course Steve knows his healing rate better than anyone still alive. But what does it matter?

"So... why didn't you ever tell me?"

Shrug. [ _Never came up. Last time the setting was on "voice," and with Pierce dead I thought there weren't any more controllers out there._ ] Guess he should have checked more thoroughly, instead of walking down the street one day and suddenly collapsing when his throat constricted. [ _Sorry, should have found and destroyed the schematics._ ]

He takes out the USB and showed it to Steve. [ _Don't worry, with the lab destroyed, the last schematic is on here. Plus Dr. Cho will get it out of me soon. :D_ ] Not soon enough.

"Yeah, can't wait." Steve gave Bucky's arm a warm squeeze. "But... why didn't you tell me that HYDRA ..." Steve hesitates, frowning a bit. "Well, I guess I'da liked to have known that HYDRA did this to you."

[ _So you'd ... what? Hunt them down and make them pay? Already did that, pal. Thanks for thinking of me, though._ ] He really doesn't know why Steve's so hung up on this.

Steve's frown deepens. Looks like he's not quite sure himself. "Yeah, I know you can fight your own battles. It's just that... today I found out about a big part of you that I didn't know before. And... I wish I didn't have to find out from Tony."

Okay, so maybe he didn't tell Steve because he knew that Steve would make a big deal out of it. Just like how he gave them a sufficiently mangled controller so that they wouldn't flip their shit over the specific settings. Bucky knew that things happened to his body and that's that. Wishing that it didn't was like wishing he was born with 3 legs: a waste of time and energy. But Steve -- well Steve was the 5-foot punk who spent a lot of time wishing he wasn't. Kind of hard to type all that, though.

[ _I'm sorry I didn't tell you the first time, Steve. But I really didn't think it was a big deal. Don't worry, from now on I'll definitely tell you when HYDRA mucks with my body. :)?_ ] Bucky looked up from typing to find Steve's face still hesitant, but smiling.

"Thanks, Buck."

[ _Oh hey, relevant: they gave me a new hole this time. Do you wanna see? :P_ ]

Steve is back to frowning. "A new... hole? Is this why you didn't want Tony to do a full body scan? Are you all right? Is your body healed? How can..." Steve stops himself and takes a deep breath. "Yes, I'd like to see."

\-------

"Um, Bucky... I think they gave you a vagina." Steve says haltingly from between Bucky's legs. 

Wow, so those fuckers weren't kidding when they kept talking about his new pussy. Maybe they couldn't get any girl to fuck them, and giving their resident captive fucktoy a new hole was easier. But how can Steve tell the difference between a vagina and a simple hole? It's not like he's ever seen them up close.

"Yes, Bucky, I HAVE seen lady parts up close before. And not just Peggy." Huh. Guess they've been together long enough that Steve knew what he was gonna say. Steve puts a finger at the edge of the hole. "May I?"

Bucky nods, and feels Steve slide the finger inside as he continues, "Vaginas have a distinctive texture inside, and it's moist in a particular way that's different from..." Steve suddenly makes a face and pulls out his finger: it's trailing a snot-looking glob. "I've never seen vaginas with this much mucus, though."

That looks so gross he wants to vomit again.

Bucky sits back up and pulls his underwear back on. Flat swipey hand: Enough. Then he carefully mouths "Later" while making a spinny gesture with his hand. Steve nods. "Yeah, we can figure it out later. Maybe find a real vagina expert." 

Whatever, Steve. HYDRA gave me a new hole and that's that. I'm not about to take it on the circus circuit.

"Hey Buck..." Bucky looks up, and Steve is giving him a sudden shy smile. "It looks real nice, Buck."

Bucky can't help smiling back, and pulls Steve in for a soft kiss. He loved Steve when he was scrawny and all elbows, and he loves Steve now with his tits and his muscles. Of course it's the same for Steve, too. New hole and all.

Eventually Steve pulls back and stretches. "Hey, wanna get some dinner? We can get your favorites. Celebrate my best guy."

Sounds great. He hasn't had real food in forever. He listens as Steve rattles off a dozen dishes to JARVIS, and only had to tug on Steve's sleeve once and type up a change request. 

While they wait for the food to arrive, he even gets Steve to talk to JARVIS about setting up a mobile text display. Soon he'll be stuffing himself with bulgolgi and jerk chicken and dolma, and then there'll be sleep and tomorrow Dr. Cho should arrive and everything will go back to normal.


	4. Super Smell

Except it turns out he can't eat anything.

The barest whiff of the smorgasbord of goodies that Steve'd ordered sends him to the bathroom to vomit up the orange juice he'd had earlier. 

And in the morning when Steve made his usual pancakes, it was the smell of maple syrup that sent him straight for the toilet.

What is even happening. This is so much worse than the first few months of leaving HYDRA -- back then, his stomach only rebelled because it was out of the habit of digesting solid foods. But this new super-smell thing is swiftly reaching maybe an 8 on the 1-10 scale: he can't even be in the *same room* as his favorite foods. Or really, any food. Not to mention trash cans or other strong smells.

To make things worse, it turns out that Dr. Cho is on the conference circuit and is making a keynote speech in Cape Town. She said over video call that if it was an emergency, she could cancel the rest of her trip, but Bucky shrugged and shook his head -- this temporary HYDRA bullshit isn't really putting the world in danger. He'll deal. 

Cause when you get down to it, it's not really affecting anyone else but him. And he's put up with a month plus of HYDRA jerks turning his voice on and off and injecting him with cum and drugs and everything else, so he can put up with a few more days of tugging at Steve's elbow to get his attention and typing commands at JARVIS. No biggie.

So why are his eyes stinging with the threat of tears? Why does he feel so overwhelmingly at a loss? No, this is stupid. Bucky is a lot of things, but melodramatic sap isn't one of them. Which is why he's going to go run through the obstacle course in the gym a couple of times.

At least, until he gets ridiculously out of breath after just once through, and he has a hard time balancing properly. Then He gets a sudden craving for a turkey sandwich, but when he runs to the downstairs cafe to get one, it turns out that the very sight and smell of it makes his stomach heave. 

But no one who grew up in the Depression would let food go to waste, so he eats it anyway, hating every single bite.

At least the orange juice seems to be fine, if a bit more bitter than usual.

Yeah, this super smell and super taste thing is *definitely* worse than having a new hole. Fucking HYDRA bastards.

Well, just another fucking thing to live with, like the extra weight they added to his right leg to balance out his left arm. Or like the throat thing. Augh the throat thing. He wants to just rip the whole thing out with his left hand. It's supposed to be temporary, dammit. Why does temporary feel so fucking long?

Bucky goes back to his floor to bitch about this to Steve, but he's baking cookies with Hill and Natasha and laughing at some joke. And... he can't. They'd try to accommodate him in the conversation and everything will be stilted with awkward silences and he just doesn't need that right now.

He ends up hiding in one of the business offices on the 12th floor and watching dumb videos on Youtube. God bless Youtube.

\------

When he finally slinks back to their floor at midnight, it's just Steve there, sitting on the couch, reading something on his tablet and waiting for him.

Bucky's tired, hungry, and cranky, but Steve's smile when he sees him makes everything better. He goes over and worms his way into Steve's lap and just stays there for a bit, head against Steve's lovely tits.

"You okay, Bucky? You threw up twice in the last 24 hours, and I haven't really seen you since this morning."

Ah, so he doesn't know about third time, with the turkey sandwich. Whatever. Bucky shrugs and burrows deeper into Steve's arm. Really don't want to talk about this right now, pal. What he wants, is cuddles. And maybe sex. Bucky reaches out a hand and starts idly twiddling Steve's nipples. They respond. Nice.

"Bucky..." Oh no, Steve's using his Concerned Dad Voice, pert nipples be damned.

Bucky heaves a silent sigh and sits back up. Makes a typing motion in the air.

"Um, JARVIS? Can you get Bucky a projected keyboard?" A keyboard made of light appears in front of him.

[ _What's up, Steve?_ ] The words appear in real time in front of his face as he types, angled for perfect viewing for Steve. Nice. This Bucky now comes with closed captioning.

"Bucky, I'm really worried about you. What did HYDRA do to you? It's not just the new vagina, is it?"

Bucky couldn't help wincing at the word. It makes him sound ... wrong. Having webbed toes is bad enough, but now he's a guy with a dick *and* a vagina. What a HYDRA freak show.

But that wasn't Steve's question, and being a HYDRA freak show isn't anything new. Long day, is all.

[ _I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm missing some balls, too._ ] He quirks an eyebrow at Steve and gets the desired chuckle. [ _But besides that, I'm not sure. They were injecting me with all sorts of weird drugs. I've gotten some weird super smell now._ ]

"Super smell? Like Daredevil?"

Oh god now he feels super sorry for Daredevil. How does the man cope? [ _Maybe? It makes good things smell bad and bad things smell rancid. And every smell is overwhelming._ ] 

Steve frowns. "That doesn't sound fun. But why would HYDRA even..."

Bucky bats a hand dismissively. [ _Who knows? They like experimenting. Maybe some HYDRA scientist wanted to get published in a HYDRA science magazine._ ] Haha. [ _"Invention: Winter Soldier can now detect HYDRA brand aftershave from 3 blocks away. Wear it and be safe from his murderous rampages!"_ ] 

Steve laughs, too, and it's nice to hear. Makes his own silent laughter feel more real.

"But seriously, Bucky, maybe we should look into it a bit more. Don't you have a flash drive with all of their lab data on it?"

Yeah, Steve. The motherlode. But then Steve's gonna make a big deal out of every little experiment. That's a waste of time and energy: half of them failed, and most of the others turned out to be too stupid to be kept around. (Like the time they tried to add gills. What the fuck.) Bucky's not going to hand over that flash drive unless there's a very good reason. Ugh, isn't vomiting 3 times enough? What he wants right now is kisses and fucking, not holding Steve's hand while he reads through hundreds of files.

Shrug. [ _Eh. It's not really bothering me._ ] Bucky looks up and sees Steve quirking a skeptical eyebrow. [ _What's *really* bothering me,_ ] Bucky gives Steve his best lascivious grin, [ _is that we've been back together for over 24 hours and we haven't fucked yet._ ] Then he dives straight into a hungry kiss and gets handsy with Steve's cute little ass. 

Steve knows a redirect when he sees one, especially when it's hovering midair in little blue letters. But he also knows not to push the point. Especially when Bucky is being *this* persistent. 

Bucky doesn't throw up Steve's cum afterward, so he calls the day a win.


	5. Fine

Of course it doesn't mean he's rid of the super smell. The HYDRA bastards really got him good with this one. The smell/nausea/vomit thing gets so bad that he can't even be on the same floor when the Avengers have dinner together. Most days he'd buy something for lunch, and end up giving it to Steve to eat. One day he finds himself eating about a pound of ice chips. He can't even cook for himself because the smell of cooking also makes him want to vomit. The day when he throws up into the scrambled eggs that he was making, was when he decides this smell thing now rated a 10 on the Horrible Things HYDRA's Done to His Body scale. 

Fuck.

He can't even do anything to distract him. At least when HYDRA had him, he had an escape to plan, and enough dicks in him to keep him otherwise occupied. Whereas now -- well, he still can't go back to working for SHIELD, and he hasn't been outside in 2 weeks -- New York just smells like an ocean of garbage. He's been getting winded whenever he trains for more than 20 minutes, so he can't spend that long in the gym. His chest also feels ... fuller? One time Steve punched him during a sparring session and it was like getting kicked in the balls. (Which, thankfully, is no longer a problem.) 

So now he's some weird recluse while everyone else runs around doing Avengers stuff. Spends a lot of the day reading books on the couch and taking programming lessons online. He fucking hates it, all those little brackets and semicolons, but maybe if he can add programming to his resume, he can finally be useful again.

Steve has been giving him increasingly worried looks, so it's no surprise that he ends up confronting Bucky about it 2 weeks in. (Dr. Cho is in Sweden now.)

This time Bucky's hiding in his room eating saltine crackers and peanut butter and washing it all down with orange juice. Because apparently that's the only 3 things that he can eat now. (And maybe for eternity.) And no, he's not bitter about the Avengers having delicious Russian food downstairs, nope, not at all. It's not like he could join in the conversation anyway.

"Bucky?" At least Steve's shirt only smells slightly of yummy-food-that-he-can't-have. He hesitates at Bucky's door. Oh yeah, the light isn't on. It's not like he's moping or anything. Just tired of typing at JARVIS every single time he wants to turn on the light or take a shower or whatever. Don't need the light to eat crackers.

He gestures Steve in with a sideways nod.

"JARVIS? Keyboard for Bucky, please."

The accursed blue rectangle materializes before him. Couldn't even tell Steve that he didn't want to talk.

[ _I don't want to talk._ ]

Steve firms his jaw. The punk expected this. He sits down next to Bucky. Cornered by the world's best tactician. Can't a guy have his sulk? "Bucky, I know you want to handle this yourself, but... I'm worried. We're all worried. You're not eating much..."

No shit, Sherlock. I'm trying, Steve. It's why I'm still spooning this dry tacky peanut butter into my mouth. 

"and you're tired all the time, and we hardly see you anymore."

Well that one's not completely his fault. Steve's the one who's spending most of his days in meetings and briefings and debriefings. Bucky feels a burst of rage. How dare Steve saunter in here, smelling of onions and cabbage and tomatoes and sour cream and vodka, and lecture him about not eating enough? Not being around enough? Bucky chugs his orange juice and pointedly ignores Steve. Turns his sulking game up to 11.

"Anyway, Maria said something at dinner tonight." Steve pauses, and the silence feels heavy, somehow. "She said," and here Steve's voice does a decent mimicry of Hill's deadpan, "'If Barnes had lady parts, I'd tease him about being pregnant.' Bucky, you have a vagina, you think maybe..."

[ _NO._ ] Huh, somehow his hands found their way onto the keyboard. [ _It's not a vagina, Steve, stop calling it that. It's just a new hole for fucking. If it were a vagina there'd be a clit and labia and all the good things._ ] He types the next words by jabbing the keyboard. [ _It_ ] [ _is_ ] [ _just_ ] [ _a_ ] [ _hole._ ] And then, because he prefers to feel irrationally angry rather than irrationally scared, [ _You would know that if you ever bothered to use it._ ]

He comes home with a brand spanking new hole and Steve doesn't even use it. What's the damn point of bringing it home?

"That's not.. but Bucky, it doesn't feel as good for you as our regular stuff, and ..."

[ _So? At least if you use it, it'd be good for something. Just like how my throat is good for things besides the shit that Pierce did to it._ ]

"Pierce? What did he do?" Steve's voice is sharp. Shit. What the fuck were his fingers doing, the traitors. Now if he says the wrong thing Steve's gonna be stewing for days. Quick, what's something he can type aside from "setting it to the 'deep throat' option and keeping his cock there all night"? "Used it to choke me while fucking"? Bucky forgets if that's supposed to be bad, or just plain annoying.

[ _Nothing much, Steve. Just turned my voice off when I'm not on a mission. Frustrating, but not a big deal._ ] 

Steve stares at him, long and hard. Bucky decides to go back to eating. At least crackers and peanut butter keep forever, so if he's stuck with this super smell thing, he can just buy a whole year's supply and never step outside ever again.

"You keep saying it's not a big deal, and I've been trying to respect that." Steve says, finally. "But you wearing yourself down like this is a big deal to *me*. I'd really like it if you can get someone to look at it. Maybe Tony can do a scan. Or maybe there's something in those files..."

Well, Bucky has to admit that he'd like someone to take a look at the super smell thing, too. But not Tony, and not Steve, especially not if they have to scan *everything.* Tony'd just freak out and make jokes that waver at the edges, and the poor guy's dealing with enough as is. Steve'd be full of rage, and sure, most of it's gonna be at HYDRA, but there's always collateral damage. (Like flying an airplane into an iceberg type of dumb.) Bucky needs a neutral third party, someone calm. 

[ _When Dr. Cho comes, I'll ask her about the smell thing, too. But first: throat. I'm tired of just hearing your dumb voice all the time._ ] Plus it'd be easier to explain things when he can talk again.

Steve smiles and gets up. "I'm going to call Helen and tell her that it's an emergency."


	6. Lab

It takes them a few days to figure out the whole voice business. Dr. Cho got *very* excited when she looked at the neck scan, and then she and Stark started talking very quickly, and soon the whole room was covered in floating blue schematics. Bucky ducked out of the lab -- he's been around scientists enough to know what this means: it's all new and exciting and never-been-done before. If he sticks around they'll start eyeing him like a piece of meat. It's like that every fucking time. Bucky Barnes: science pioneer. Or, more accurately, Bucky Barnes: science experiment. At least this time it's gonna be voluntary for a change.

The operation itself was rather simple, what was rough was the after: even with his advanced healing, it meant two days without using his throat *at all*, which meant two days of no food or drink. He's okay with getting his fluids via IV, but damned if he'd get the nutrient shit pumped directly into his stomach. (Besides, these guys don't know about the extra valve that the HYDRA guys put there. Steve just thinks it's a weird scar.) Bucky tried to eat as much peanut butter and crackers as he could in the days before, but even so, by the time they unwrap the bandages, he's pretty damn hungry. He can probably eat a whole jar of peanut butter right then and there, and he *hates* the stuff. 

"I know you want to eat, Mr. Barnes," Dr. Cho is looking apologetic. "But if you can hold on for just a couple more minutes, this is the best time to some scans and draw some blood for your other problem." 

Oh yeah, empty stomach and all that.

"Sure, no problem." And holy shit he is talking, and sounds are coming out of his mouth, and it's fucking amazing. Take that, creepy HYDRA scientists.

He keeps up a patter during the blood draw, mostly just rhapsodizing about the jar of peanut butter waiting on the table, but then it's time for the full body scan.

Holy Jesus on a shit stick, this machine looks awfully like the cryo pod. Bucky considers backing out, but then he thinks about spending the rest of his life eating crackers alone and staying 100 yards away from any type of odor. And hey, they fixed his voice, maybe they can fix this, too. 

He shakes too much and they have to strap him down before shutting him in. He takes deep breaths and tries to imagine himself dancing the jitterbug as the light creeps up and down his body. I'm gonna be okay. Steve's just outside. He won't let them do anything weird to me. HYDRA's not here. It's just the good guys...

Everyone's got a weird look on their faces when they take him out and unstrap him. Oh. He was so strung out by the machine he forgot about what they would see.

"Look if it's about the weird metallic coating on my vertebrae, it's mostly there to get more sensation from the arm..." And also to make the electric shocks hurt more -- because why kill one bird when you can kill two, right?

Steve jerks out of whatever he was worried about. "What? You have WHAT on your spine?"

Wait, so it's not that? It can't be the missing kidney...

Dr. Cho clears her throat. "So, I have good news and some... other news." She raises her eyebrows.

"Good news first." It's always good to get the good news first so that he can hold onto that when dealing with whatever else is coming down the pipe.

"The good news is that you'll stop having the smell and food issues in about 2 weeks." Thank god, guess whatever HYDRA injected him with is finally going to wear out. And he didn't even have to turn over the flash drive. Just 2 more weeks and he'll be able to eat food with the gang again. And with his voice fixed he can get back to work and normal life and...

"The, um, other news is that you're pregnant." 

Okay, wow, someone really needs to stop screaming.

Except that that someone is him. Oh yeah, because he has his voice back now. And for some reason Steve's got one hand on each of his. 

Bucky looks at his two hands. The left one is holding some shirt scraps. His, he realizes faintly. And his right fingertips are bloody. What...

  


"Hey Buck, deep breath, it's gonna be okay." Steve feels solid against his back, strong arms wrapped around him. 

His stomach feels cold, and Bucky looks down to see a big hole where he tore off his shirt, and some bloody gouges there.

Oh.

Improbably, Dr. Cho is saying, "Actually, it's a bit lower down."

"Not helping, Helen." Steve rumbles from near his ear. 

Dr. Cho is looking really frazzled. The way she purses her lips reminds him of Becca. Becca'd look like that when she was trying to braid her hair, and he'd reach over and help her...

"...still early, you're about 10 weeks in. The fetus is barely developed, so if you want, we can..."

Fetus. He's pregnant. He's vomiting all the time, though. Isn't it called 'morning sickness'? 

But his mom threw up that time during Thanksgiving dinner. That was when she was pregnant with Nina. And she'd pester the ice man for extra bits. Mrs. Halliway from across the air shaft talked about smelling the roast he'd hid in his room to bring to Steve. That was her fifth.

She tried to do something at home to get rid of the sixth. When her husband found out he beat her bloody. More so than usual, because she still sported a black eye when she talked to Bucky 2 weeks later. Still worked, though, she'd told him with a grim smile. Wasn't going to give him another one to beat.

What's he gonna do? Go into a hospital and say "hey doc, I'm a guy with a metal arm, and a bunch of Nazis decided to give me a new hole and make me some half-man half-woman freak because they wanted more of me"? 

He's laughing and he can't stop.

"Dr. Cho. I think we need to discuss this later. I'm going to take Bucky back to our floor now."

He's still laughing as Steve gently guides him back to the elevator. He'd been looking forward to being able to laugh properly, with his voice.

He hates the sound.


	7. London

"I keep thinking about London." It takes him two jars of peanut butter before he can say anything, and the first words out of his mouth is about a city half the world away. Steve's gonna think he's crazy. "During the war, I mean."

Steve hummed and kept his arms wrapped around Bucky, his chest against Bucky’s back, skin touching skin. The first thing he did was usher Bucky into a shower and gently rinse off the blood on his belly and some of the leftover bandage cruft on his neck. Then he sat Bucky down on the bed, handed him a spoon and a jar of peanut butter, and set himself to completely envelope Bucky in blankets and himself.

Normally Bucky'd prickle at all this coddling, but right now he's too drained to protest. He wants to talk, but after two months of his voice not being in his control, it feels like driving someone else's car: the gear shift's in the wrong place and the brakes feel too sticky. So instead he just wedges himself deeper into the safety of Steve's arms and makes an impatient sound.

Steve gets the hint and starts talking. "London, huh?” He pauses, and Bucky wonders what comes to Steve’s mind when he thinks London. Probably Carter. “Y'know, that bar where you asked me to keep the uniform..." 

"You mean the bar where Peggy asked you to dance..." Of course it’s Carter. Words unlock and slip out, nice and easy -- he's been ribbing Steve for as long as he can remember. 

"Yes, that, too. Well, I went there, after you..." Steve pauses, because, being Steve, he still feels bad about not going back for him. Bucky just waits, and sure enough, being Steve, he soldiers on. "After I thought you died, I went back there, hoping maybe seeing the place would bring back good memories. But a bomb had been dropped on it. Everything was gone."

"Yeah," Bucky says, wondering if Steve knew how close he hit the mark when he started talking about the bar, or whether it was just chance. "That's exactly it. You know that vibe in London, where everyone's trying extra hard to enjoy life, staying up late dancing despite having worked a double shift at the munitions factory..."

Steve nods. "They didn't know if any of that's gonna turn into rubble the next day." He sounds sad and gentle as he kisses the back of Bucky’s head. "That you?" 

"Yup, that's me." So damn afraid that another bit of my body's gonna get taken away tomorrow that I stay up dancing all night. Lindy, jive, jitterbug. Carpe fucking diem. As if by focusing on his steps he can ignore the Nazi bombing outside. 

And then it turns out that the Nazis weren't just out there, there's one in him, too. 

He's so fucking tired of fighting Nazis. Maybe he should just stop -- let the tiny HYDRA agent inside him have a field day. His body hasn't been his for a long time, and now HYDRA decided to reshape it into some freakish vessel for some other, more perfect human. It's not like *it* would be born with webbed toes and an extra hole. 

Steve's voice cuts through his self-pity fest. "I thought of it like squatting in a back tenement."

Huh?

"Any day the landlord might come and kick me out, so can't ever settle in too much and take it for granted. In case the pneumonia got especially bad this year and the landlord comes early." Steve adds, unnecessarily, "Back when I was small, I mean."

Oh. That why Steve refused to stay home unless his fever hit 104? Idiot. (They were both idiots.)

"Not the healthiest way to live, thinking that my body was gonna give out on me at any moment. Made it easy to give it up to the US government, though." Steve's voice is doing that thing where he's trying to play it off like no big deal but it's clearly been haunting him for a while. Well, fuck that -- if Bucky doesn't get to wallow in self-pity, then neither does Steve. 

"Shit, Steve, that's a dumb reason to sign up to be a science experiment. What if you ended up dying? You'da been shortchanging Uncle Sam!"

"Well, Uncle Sam was shortchanging me with all those war bonds, so I figured it'd even out." 

And now Bucky's laughing and it feels good this time. He thinks about Steve in that ridiculous outfit, hamming it up on those stupid posters. "Well, Uncle Sam definitely got a good return for their investment, given how many war bonds you ended up selling."

"Yeah." Steve laughs, but then quiets, and looks at his hands. "I hated it, but it was what *they* wanted, so I just went along with it. It wasn't until Peggy came along that I realized I didn't have to be government property."

And for once Bucky leans back and looks at Steve's body the way those DC big wigs must have seen it: as a perfect weapon to deploy -- if not in the field, then on the home front. Like him. No, not like me, said a small voice. Steve's perfect, Erskine got it right in one go. They kept changing Bucky's body -- it was never good enough for them. Always planning, measuring, and slicing him open to see what they can add. At this point, he's lost track of how much is still *him.* Maybe none of it.

"... okay, Buck, it's okay." Steve's hands rubbing his shoulder. Oh. He's shaking. 

"Most of the time I would wake up with bits missing or bits added, and wouldn't even know I was ever any different." It wasn't until he started remembering that the horror of it sunk in. "I'd just accept it and move on." He thought the shaking'd stop after he talks about it, but it's only gotten worse.

Steve runs his hands up and down his body, warm and firm.

It doesn't help. In fact, it just makes him think about all the parts of him that they've changed, taken for themselves. There’s too many.

He chokes out, "I want to stop being theirs. But I don't remember how." And he should feel embarrassed for this, for for everything, but he doesn't fucking care anymore. He just wants it to stop.

"Hey Buck... lemme try something?" Steve's voice is soft as he moves his right hand further down. To the opening of Bucky's vagina.

Bucky nods, and Steve gently slips his finger in.

  


The shaking stops.

Steve's right in that Bucky doesn't feel much sensation, but it feels good in another way. With Steve's finger there, he can tell himself: This is for Steve, not for them. Steve is touching a part of *him*. *His* body.

It takes Bucky several tries, but he manages to find the new muscles that squeezes his vagina. Steve makes a small "hm!" sound and looks at him fondly. "Feeling better?" 

"Yeah." Bucky tilts his head back for a long kiss, then maneuvers so that they're both lying down, with Steve's finger still inside, anchoring him. Steve wraps a possessive arm around him and nibbles gently at Bucky’s earlobe. 

"Stay like this?" Bucky asks, sleepy.

"Mmmmm," came Steve's sleepier reply.

Bucky's probably going to have to get up to pee in about 10 minutes, and he still has to deal with the fact that he's holy-fucking-pregnant, but for now, they've stopped the bombing outside.


	8. Choice

The next day's a lot better, cause whaddaya know, his friends are pretty okay with this whole "hi I have a vagina and I'm pregnant with a HYDRA rape baby" thing.

At Bucky's 9am back-to-work meeting with Hill, somewhere between "glad to hear you're back" and "Python's all well and good but we'd probably need you learn to hack into a server mainframe," Hill gives him the contact info for her OB/GYN. (Some lady who "gives and takes no shit," “actually listens, unbelievable I know” and "can probably sympathize with dick problems, too, since she used to have one.")

Nice.

When he gets out of that meeting, his phone chirps with a giant data download from Stark. He reads the message first: "Hey Buckminster, don't know what your plan will be but either way you're gonna need to be informed. Guess what: clotheshangers are out of style now. So is putting boys in dresses." It's a whole file of indexed and searchable information about pregnancies, abortions, child rearing, etc. With sources and cross-references. 

Super helpful He should really take some time to thank Stark properly -- he’s been nothing but helpful, even if he pretends not to be. Pretty well-adjusted, considering that it couldn’tt have been easy, growing up as Howard’s son.

At lunch, Bucky's paging through some stuff about pregnancy diets and trying *not* to be jealous over the delicious lengua burrito that Steve's shoving into his mouth, when he gets a video call from Sam. He's in Wakanda with Claire, they just got back from some late-night dancing, and tipsy Sam is even more fun than normal Sam. After some good-natured ribbing and a serious "doing all right there, Barnes?", Sam passes the phone over to Claire, who gives Bucky some "protips for lady parts" in her "trust me I'm a nurse" voice. While drunk. Sam alternates between fake grossed-out noises and maybe-fake turned-on noises off-screen.

They are legit the most adorable couple, and talking to them makes Bucky grin like an idiot. 

For a second he even forgets that he's pregnant.

Whatever, he can figure it out. At least now he feels like he can.

After lunch Bucky goes to sit in his favorite spot in their living room (the corner just beside the window, tucked in by a plant), and starts reading some of Tony's super-helpful information. He can't decide whether this whole pregnancy thing is hilarious or horrific. Apparently, in addition to all the uterus and lactating breast shenanigans, he'd get an extra 5 pounds of blood flowing in his veins, and his rib cage'd expand to accommodate larger lung capacity.

All those sicko scientists pumping him full of alternative serums over the years, beaten by a bundle of 10-week-old cells.

Definitely hilarious. Good job, fetus.

Now that he's gotten some food and some sleep and some Steve-cuddles, the fetus doesn't feel like a tiny HYDRA agent anymore, and more like a fellow victim. After all, it had about as much choice in the matter of its existence as he did. And sure, it's hijacking his body for its own purposes, but that's really not anything new, and at least the fetus isn't doing it to make him a better weapon or just for shits and giggles. (There was the one scientist who just wanted to prove a point to their spouse-- turns out humans *do* look dumb with cat ears.) 

Bucky idly scratches his head, feeling the scars left over from that experiment hidden in his hair. He wants to make a decision soon. Even if Cho doesn’t ask at the throat follow-up later in the afternoon, having a clearer idea will help him not die of embarrassment about yesterday’s crazy melodramatic stunt. It’s all the fetus’ fault, he can say, pregnancy hormones, nudge nudge wink wink. Now let’s evict this kumquat-sized HYDRA rape baby.

Except….

It's funny, he's taken the lives of so many people since 1943, but this one seems so complicated, somehow. It's all that damned potential. Bucky already knows what his life's good for, but the thing growing in his body might be the next Einstein. Or the next Hitler. 

"Sergeant Barnes, Ms. Romanov to see you, sir." 

Oh hey, he's started doodling babies with the Hitler mustache and Einstein's crazy hair. Natalia would laugh.

"Send her in, JARVIS."

Natalia looks as placid as ever, which means that she's feeling conflicted about something and doesn't want him to know.

"You okay?"

He can tell she's trying to decide whether to tell him or not, so to give her time, he shows her the pictures of baby Einstein Hitler. Her laughter is strained, so Bucky tries another tack.

"What do you think of all this new menstrual cup stuff? Do you think it'll make me wear white and happily eat salads like in the commercials?"

He can see her trying to say the words lightly. "I wouldn't know, James. The last time I had a period, I was 17 and all we had were boring tampons. *Those* only made me wear white and do yoga."

Wait, but that means Natalia has either the most messed up menstrual cycle or...

"What did the Red Room do to you?" He wants to punch someone. Raze some buildings to the ground. Maybe he and Natalia can go on a bad-guy-killing playdate.

Natalia’s eyes are completely shuttered and empty. "It was impractical, not necessary for the work we were groomed to do, so..." 

"They cut it out." Of course. Makes sense that HYDRA wasn't the only creepy body-modders out there. Probably somewhere there's a whole freezer full of Black Widow uteruses, and HYDRA grabbed one and sewed it into him. If he weren't so angry he'd probably throw up.

"It's a pretty decent weight loss strategy, and I don't have to deal with a period, so it's not a big loss. Net gain, actually." Oh hell no you don't. That's the voice of 'it's not okay but I'm going to pretend it is' that Bucky knows so well. 

"Fuck that shit, Natalia. They took something from you, they don't get to have you making excuses for them, either. They're sick fucks like my HYDRA scientists. Period. Done. Even if you never wanted a kid, they still took that choice from you."

There's something about the way Natalia's face looked when he said the bit about ...Shit. "Natalia, you *do* want a kid."

Oh Natalia. Can't even bring herself to nod. Just standing there, trying to be strong and not need anyone. Bucky clears some space and tugs her to sit down with him in his special corner. Talks about the time he took Steve to Coney Island. He's told it a thousand times, so Natalia can laugh at the right places without even thinking about it.

Just before he's about to launch into the "Steve stepped on a porcupine" story, Natalia suddenly says, "I actually came here to tell you about adoption services. Figured it was something that wouldn't be in that file from Tony. I looked into adoption back when I..." Her face stills. "Anyway, selecting from a pool of existing kids, I decided that wasn't for me." No shit, that's how Natalia got selected for the Red Room. 

"Do you want baby Einstein Hitler?" Bucky blurts out.

"What?"

"Well, *I* don't want it," and as he says those words he realizes that they're true -- there's too many bad things associated with it. "But if you want a kid but don't want to pick from a menu, you can have baby Einstein Hitler." He makes a face. "Half of the genes are from some HYDRA frat boy, though."

Natalia looks stunned. "You want to carry the baby to term? But your body -- you just got it back... You can't, not for me."

He shrugs. "Why not? I've already got 70 years of weird body shit under the belt, what's another 7 months?" Saying things like "You're important to me" and "survivors of creepy experiments need to stick together" would be redundant, so Bucky says instead, "Besides, it'd be practice for when Steve and I decide to stop throwing ourselves into the jaws of death and pop out a baby for ourselves." Okay, who is he kidding, they're never gonna stop. So the baby will just have to come with them. In a Captain America onesie and a domino mask.

He draws that next to baby Einstein Hitler and when he shows that to Natalia, she laughs, for real. It's a great sound.

  


Even better? In 2 weeks he's going to be able to eat burritos again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DONE! Rando bonus pic in the next chapter.


	9. Bonus pic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the images got embedded into the fic ([clicky for view full work](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8157959?view_full_work=true)), but here's the bonus. :)

  


Sam manages to run away from Bucky's wrath, mostly because Sam has wings.

And then later Natasha steals the camera and makes sure she has the sole copy of the only extant photo of Bucky pregnant.

For, um... purposes.

**Author's Note:**

> I post/reblog filth on [tumblr](http://thefilthiestpiglet.tumblr.com)


End file.
